In the depths of sorrow’s night, Through the tears that blur our sight,
Hope’s a whisper, soft and true, Healing light will find you.
In shadows deep, where sorrow lies, A whisper soft, a gentle rise,
The dawn breaks through with tender grace, A new beginning in its embrace.
Wounds may pierce and hearts may break, But time’s embrace can soothe the ache.
In the quiet, let it be, Pain transforms to loving memories.
Gentle strength in each new dawn, Through the pain, we carry on.
With each breath, a step we take, Towards the light, our hearts awake.
In my experience, during times of grief, we cannot force or rush connections. This readiness may take months or even years to achieve. Often, when someone close to us dies, a significant part of us feels alone and lost too. It’s okay to not fully understand this, to feel unable to socialize, and to find it difficult to let people in during times of grief. This is normal. Now is the time to listen to your inner self more than ever before, without feeling guilty. Now is the time to be kind to yourself, knowing that you are not the same person you once were when your loved one was with you, and that you will never be that person again.
Following a bereavement, it may take a long time until you are ready to rekindle relationships where you left off. However, there is a risk in stopping communication with those you once had as you might lose them altogether.
In my view, when we are at our most vulnerable due to bereavement, the grieving process can often feel like a rebirth. It can seem like a new path, a door opening to new chapters of life. Rather than an ending, it is the beginning of something new. Eventually, you will see this new chapter unfold.
Time to choose.
We have choices in life: to strive to live to our full potential, aware our time on earth is finite, or to let life pass us by, living in shadows of the safe places we once knew. To begin moving forward in life and forging new connections is key. Sadly, some relationships may have run their course when loved ones die. This can feel like another loss in itself.
Ultimately, we are the decision-makers in our world of grief. We can choose to smile, fill our hearts with warmth, love and kindness and be grateful for the many yesterdays, appreciating precious moments we shared with our loved ones and doing them proud as this would be their wish. Or we can turn our backs and act as if yesterday never existed, forgetting the important part and role of our own valuable existence that our loved ones cherished for the time spent together.
As a Funeral Director, I’ve observed that when one person dies, often a close relation or companion follows shortly after, sometimes within weeks or months. For example, if the person was elderly and had been living with their loved one for years, the pain can feel more intense than life itself. While many attribute this to old age, those of us in the funeral profession know it’s not always about age. I believe humans, like other animals can feel the impact of a broken heart.
Who is in charge here?
Allowing grief to creep in and consume us can be a harmful path. While grief can feel overwhelming, it can affect us deeply, often without us realizing it until it may be too late.
Many people find it difficult to talk about bereavement, grief, and death, perhaps to avoid the pain of confronting them. It is often said that time is a healer, but to many, including myself this can often seem impossible while we are experiencing the torment of the recent loss of a loved one. We might also prolong our suffering in the belief that it somehow keeps that loved one ‘alive’ in our mind. But is this pain helping us?! Only time will tell.
Perhaps we subconsciously hold onto our ache until we are ready to let the light shine through the cracks slowly breaking down these walls of pain. As we know all too well, pain is the price we pay for loving and being loved. ‘Over time, glimmers of light begin to appear and our agony is slowly replaced by the feelings of warmth and attachment that the loved one installed in us.’ We all have our own beliefs and, although I’m not religious, when I personally feel the luminescence shine through in my own case it feels as if the loved one is talking to me, letting me know that it’s okay to be happy, to smile, laugh, love, and live on. Those we have lost are also reassuring us that they too, are okay. And they’re enjoying watching over us wherever we are in our life’s adventures. They are here every step of the way and always will be, holding our hands until we are reunited once again.
Written by Joy Ellen Pedder – Funeral Director.
Let light shine in, dispel the night,
Embrace the warmth, the guiding light,
From endings bloom, life’s tender spark,
A journey starts, where once was dark.
Moments brief, yet ever strong,
Life’s a dance, a fleeting song,
Living fully, hearts embrace,
In laughter’s echo, find your place.
Cherish now, the present’s gift,
Let spirits soar, let hearts uplift,
For in this dance, this joyous spree,
Life’s truest essence, wild and free.
One Response
Beautifully written, Joy.